Relationships

3 Relationship Communication Problems Quietly Destroying Trust One of the biggest challenges to relationships is that of communication. A failure to communicate can result in relationship breakdown. When you choose not to communicate, whether in a more personal relationship or in the kind of human-to-human relationship present in an educational environment, secrecy takes hold, doubt is given the cover it needs to grow, and things stay unsaid that really shouldn’t. Here are 3 specific relationship communication problems that can kill trust in a relationship: At the root of every communication breakdown is a fear of authenticity. 1. Practicing False Humility Humility is a posture of the heart. Unfortunately, there might be a time when you care so much about a person or a relationship that you practice false humility. When you have a concern like that, you might choose to keep quiet and not talk about things that should be talked about. Instead of using silence, you can take a step back to take a step forward. Take a day to reflect on the challenge, identify what upsets or concerns you, pray about your feelings, and ask for the words to say when you do talk to the person you’re in conflict with. This might even be a good time to journal about your thoughts and feelings. Take this day also to reach out to this person and schedule a time to talk. Tell them about how long the conversation could take so that they can prepare for the time commitment and give you a day and time that works for this conversation. True humility means coming from a place of love and not a place of fear. 2. A Lack of Self-Exploration Another silent relationship killer is not taking time for self-exploration. As an educator, you can become so wrapped up in work and in the investments you make in others that you can forget to invest in yourself. When you don’t do this, when you don’t take this time, it can lead to burnout. Once you reach that point, it can become painful to invest in others. One way you can keep the burnout from happening is to take time to invest in yourself. Take one day per week to take care of yourself and engage in a self-care routine. If you’re not yet at the place where you can take a full day. Start by taking an hour per day for that to be your focus. Notice the difference that taking this time can make for your life. 3. Talking About Nothing Time is an investment. Your sharing who you are is an investment. But when you’re in either a personal or professional relationship, and you enter a phase of talking about nothing, you might find yourself drawing toward disengagement. The reason for that is that there’s a barrier that’s coming up in your relationship that forces you away from authenticity. It also means that the other person involved in the relationship isn’t engaging authentically either. Identity is a key part of what is shared in these more authentic relationships. In professional relationships, this will happen much more indirectly and happen more through the authentic way you complete tasks and the way that your personality shines through in professional conversations. In personal relationships, this happens more through direct disclosure and more deeply as relationships continue to unfold. Join our email list today to go deeper in conversation about topics that matter like communication, relationships, mentorship, parenting, and so much more. Join Now How can educators protect their relationships from communication breakdown? Preventing communication breakdown requires commitment from both parties, because conflict is difficult and messy even when both parties have the best of intentions. It also requires self-knowledge, understanding when something crosses a boundary or triggers you emotionally, so you can communicate this. In an educational environment, this looks different because of the power difference between educator and student. It’s important to communicate to students that their words and thoughts are valid and valued, to have feedback loops in place, and to model respectful discourse. Seeing that modeled will reinforce healthy and holistic conflict-handling practices for them as well. Looking for some words and phrases to help you model this? Here are 3 words and phrases that will help you do exactly that.  What are the most common communication problems in relationships? A failure to communicate can result in relationship breakdown. When you choose not to communicate, secrecy takes hold, doubt is given the cover it needs to grow, and things stay unsaid that really shouldn’t. Three specific habits that contribute to this are practicing false humility, not taking time for self-exploration, and not optimizing times of communication and connection. How does false humility hurt relationships? False humility is brought into relationships when you care so much about a person or a relationship that you choose to keep quiet and not talk about things that should be talked about. Instead of coming from a place of love, actions start to come from a place of fear. When you practice false humility, things stay unsaid that really shouldn’t, and silence gives doubt the cover it needs to grow. How does burnout affect an educator’s personal and professional relationships? As an educator, you can become so wrapped up in work and in the investments you make in others that you can forget to invest in yourself. When you don’t take this time, it can lead to burnout. Once you reach that point, it can become painful to invest in others. Why does talking about surface-level things hurt a relationship? When you enter a phase of talking about nothing, you might find yourself drawing toward disengagement. The reason for that is that there’s a barrier that’s coming up in your relationship that forces you away from authenticity. It also means that the other person involved in the relationship isn’t engaging authentically either.  One thing we’re definitely not doing on The Ruth and Scott Podcast is having shallow conversations. Listen