Relationships

The People In Your Neighborhood: Elevating Synergy Through Embracing Leadership and Diversity If leadership is a wheel, the central and core place at which all spokes connect is purpose. One of the key challenges for you as a leader is building that connection to purpose among team members so that your team can achieve synergetic energy. Tapping into the diversity of your team can help you elevate that energy by investing in people and building on their individual strengths. The lack of trust on a team is often identified as the first step in the breakdown or dysfunction of a team. But trust on a team is often more complex, starting with the relationship with leadership. In other words, a breach of trust becomes a point of inflection, altering the tone and pitch of one’s perception of themselves as a member of a team. Here’s what this can look like: There are various roles at a school, from the classroom teacher to you as an administrator to the other members of the school team, including the janitorial staff, librarians, cafeteria workers, and the list continues. All of these are members of the school team and community. And, to go back to the image earlier, it’s important that the core of this connection is shared purpose. But what can happen when trust is breached is that there can be misalignment because of the change in the way identity is viewed. A breach of trust becomes a point of inflection, altering the pitch and tone of one’s perception of themselves as a member of a team. Breach of Trust Attacks on Team Identity There are 3 attacks on team identity that can happen when trust is breached: the attack on purpose, the attack on identity, and the attack on the standard of leadership. Attack on Purpose A person enters a team from a position of strength. They’ve seen the job description. There’s some innate confidence that the team member has in their ability to fulfill the role. They’ve had their skills honed and tested through education and experience. During the interview process, they’ve experienced a show of confidence in them in the form of the affirmations the process provides. Each new school year, there are continued affirmations provided through assessments, reviews of key performance indicators, feedback from students and families, and also more organic feedback from the school team. When a breach of trust happens, and support is not found in the face of challenges, this feedback that may have happened in the past loses its power and influence and may be replaced instead with questions: Do I belong here? Is the place I thought I had on this team really my place, or am I easily replaceable? If I am easily replaceable, what can I do to change this and make myself more valuable? Self-talk may lead to the unspoken conclusion that greenlights being provided can’t be trusted and that the team member themselves needs to establish a separate set of metrics so that they’re not caught off guard again. Attack on Identity There’s also the damage that can happen when a member of a team stretches themselves too thin under the weight of these unclear expectations. The effects of this breach of trust can then start to reach into a team member’s home and personal life. Click here to open a new tab and access an article that dives more deeply into challenges associated with burnout. Attack on the Standard of Leadership The attack on purpose and the attack on identity can also result in an attack on the standard of leadership as a team member begins to question the type of leadership that lends itself to these kinds of violations of expectations and inconsistencies between what you as a leader do and say. 3 Responses to Attacks on Personal Identity in a Team Context All of these attacks are ones on identity and purpose and can result in one’s retreat from, redrawing of, or warped recommitment to what it means to be part of the team. In the case of warped recommitment, a team member decides to override their own needs and boundaries out of what they see as a commitment to the team. The reality is that this may be more of a result of a team member’s seeing the dopamine hit that comes from formalized praise as something that is of greater benefit to them than the pain registers to them as harmful. Redrawing of boundary lines after a breach of trust is a healthier approach because of what it communicates. According to this approach, team members are stepping back from the situation to take a closer look and determine the nature of the problem. They’re looking specifically at what worked and was helpful, what didn’t work and was not helpful, and where the areas of improvement are and what changes can happen so that the team member’s own needs and the needs of the team as a whole can be met in future interactions while mitigating the risk that past challenges will happen again. In retreat, a team member makes the decision to withdraw from the team or to set a boundary that, once crossed, will trigger an immediate or eventual self-removal either completely or into a different mindset because of the breach of trust that’s been committed. Attacks on purpose, identity, and the standard of leadership come down to attacks on identity and purpose and can result in retreat, redrawing, or recommitment to what it means to be part of the team. Leadership and the People in Your Neighborhood Miscommunication happens in the course of relationships. Unfulfilled expectations can happen in the course of being human and life happening to us all. But a key difference between these things and the inflection points mentioned earlier is the communication of value in times of both conflict and ease. When a major change happens and schedules need to change, prompt communication is more helpful than ghosting.

5 Ways to Build Community and Connection At Your School This Fall It’s back-to-school time, and as an educator or administrator, you recognize something. Your students are sitting in classrooms and walking through the halls like they’re coming down from that first cup of coffee that, depending on the age range, you know they haven’t had. It’s that adrenaline drop that happens after registration, back-to-school shopping, and the introduction of new friends, new classes, and new schedules have started to take their toll. But there’s something between adrenaline rush and energy drain. It’s the emotional regulation that happens through community and connection. Here are 5 ways you can build these at your school this season: But there’s something between adrenaline rush and energy drain. It’s the emotional regulation that happens through community and connection. The Book Connection Pick a book for your school to read through together. Educator, you can contribute to your students’ sense of belonging by also having students apply what they’re learning through the text in ways directly applicable to your class. Administrators, you can contribute to this sense of belonging by having an event at the end of the time allotted for reading the text to celebrate students completing the reading and to have them complete a group project at this celebration. An idea for this could be having students take a picture of themselves doing something related to the text before the celebration and then bring the picture to the celebration to be added to a school collage. This project can be made more accessible by having certain periods of time where students can sign up to have their picture taken doing something related to the text. Bingo! Create a school community or classroom Bingo game where students are encouraged to talk and to learn new things about each other during downtimes. Each Bingo card could have Fall-related items. For example, “Find someone whose favorite season is Fall”, or “Find someone who enjoys Fall Sports”. Action items could even be included. For example, “Find a student who is taking a music class this Fall and attend a practice or recital” or “Invite someone to Trunk-or-Treat”. Students can even participate in building the Bingo cards to encourage buy-in and a sense of community and agency. Grounding Activities Technology can sometimes add another layer of challenge for students needing to connect and experience community. Grounding exercises can help with this. But they might not seem so interesting on their own. What can help is adding them to the natural flow of the class. For example, identify a concept from your course to have students review. Select items like rocks, leaves, twigs, and other items students might find in nature to add to an items list. Provide students with shoe boxes or have them provide their own and use the items from the items list to create a representation of the concept, and then present their projects along with information about a practical application. Connection Through Vulnerable Creation Open the doors of the school before the school day starts once a month. Allow students to present poetry and short stories that they write. Doing this outside of school will facilitate the feeling of safety to be vulnerable and the removal of pressures that may otherwise be associated with the school day. It also encourages students to build community with others they may not otherwise interact with. A School-Wide Playlist Create a playlist for your school. Set criteria for songs that can be added to the playlist. Then, encourage students to add songs aligned with these criteria. Play the playlist at appropriate times throughout the day so that students can see how they’re contributing to the culture of the school that they’re part of. To make this more accessible, be aware of the needs of sensory-sensitive students. For example, downtimes and passing periods may be a good time to play the playlist. But having some of these time periods where there is minimal sensory input may be helpful for sensory-sensitive students. To increase accessibility across the student body, consider making the playlist accessible on platforms that don’t require payment for enjoyment. Building a Sense of Community and Connection Building a sense of community and connection is a helpful way to encourage students and to help with emotional regulation throughout the school year and especially in this Fall season. Educators, admins, and mentors, have you tried any of these? Are there any other strategies you’ve tried that you find really work for your context? Share your stories with us. We’re holding a Fall contest where we’ll be looking at creativity, originality, Fall-relatedness, and connection to building community and connection at your school and with the families and communities connected with students. The winner will receive a $25 Amazon Gift Card and be revealed as the winner in the October episode of The Ruth and Scott Podcast. Entries will be accepted from September 1st to September 12th at 10 PM CT. Register for this contest using the form on this page. Enter to Win the “Your Fall Story” Contest! What are some of the things that contribute to student tiredness at the start of the school year? The adrenaline rush that comes from the busy-ness of the events and occurrences at the start of the school year can result in a kind of crash once some of this busy-ness subsides.  What are some key variables that can help students navigate the space between adrenaline rush and energy drain? Community and connection are two variables that shouldn’t be underestimated when reviewing student journeys. Together, they help students to reclaim their sense of agency and belonging and to regulate themselves socially and emotionally.  Why is accessibility important in reviewing strategies for engaging students in community and building a sense of belonging? Making activities and plans accessible to students in terms of differences in variables like ability and economic differences means that you’re meeting students where they are. This helps them to reclaim

3 Keys to Establishing A Framework of Trust Through Transformational Leadership Trust is an evolving and revolving shield on the battlefield of organizational pressures. It’s tested by conflict, dialogue, and accountability. It’s strengthened through transparency, vulnerability, and the wealth of knowledge and experience that comes from the diversity and strengths of a team united in purpose. Trust is the missing factor resulting in missed organizational and business targets, decreasing levels of retention, and disillusionment with mission, vision, and values. Leader, trust is an important part of embracing your call. Together, let’s explore why by defining trust and diving into what it looks like to build from a firm foundation of trust.  Trust is an evolving and revolving shield on the battlefield of organizational pressures. Defining Trust in the Face of Challenges A 2023 Gallup report highlights this statistic. Only about 23% of employees in the United States strongly agree that they trust the leadership of the organizations they work for. Click here to open a new tab and access this report. Contributing to this lack of trust is the perception that leaders don’t understand or take into account challenges like the need for employees to be able to have a healthy work-life balance, manager squeeze, and the associated new teams, tighter budgets, and expanded responsibilities. Also included within these pressures is the lack of the kind of strategic plans needed to facilitate relationship building, communication, and collaboration in workplace settings that are either becoming increasingly hybrid or where hybridization is becoming an increasing employee expectation. Ultimately, trust is an ever-changing and evolving structure that is either strengthened or eroded by context and the relationships forged in that context. Organizational culture has the power to contribute to these relationships positively. Success is what happens when iron sharpens iron. It is not enough to define trust by deficiency. Embracing a culture of trust means creating a culture and opportunities inside of that cultural sphere where employees are first seen as members of a team on a mission with you as the leader and the organization as a whole. It also means adopting a strengths-based approach where each team member is seen by you and the other members of the team from a vantage point of what these strengths are. As the leader of the team, this is also an area that will provide you with greater insights into how to elevate the people around you by nurturing their God-given talents. Building From a Solid, Foundational Framework of Trust This framework of value contributes to the perception of being understood. It also asks of you and of each member of your team a dedication to positive vulnerability. This positive vulnerability also contributes to the creation of the foundational framework of trust. Keys to Trust As a leader, authenticity and transparency are important to establishing the framework of trust. These 3 keys help you communicate these to your team: Follow through on what you say. Speak positive and uplifting words to others. Show integrity. Follow Through on What You Say. The best indicator for the kinds of expectations your team is setting for you is your track record of past performance. Realistic goal-setting contributes to the consistent fulfillment of your responsibilities to your team and your ability to keep your word. This correlation is true also of unrealistic goal-setting. Clearly identifying what you can and cannot do, what resources are available to you in helping you to achieve these goals, including time, people, and items. Your likelihood of success in establishing the framework of trust exponentially multiplies as you make the choices and decisions that build a track record of follow-through. Speak Positive and Uplifting Words to Others. Your team is a key indicator of you as a leader. But maybe not in the way that you might think. Standard performance metrics are downstream of trust, accountability, and buy-in. This buy-in doesn’t come just as a result of being part of your team, even though the dynamics of your team are a factor that has the focus of the people on your team. A surface level might not reveal this. But a deeper review of these dynamics shows that the members of your team, from those currently onboarding to those with greater longevity, are looking at you as a leader to determine where your heart is. Do you view your relationship with the members of your team as transactional? Or, are you willing to take on the mantle of vulnerable leadership to invest in each of the members of your team in allowing them to engage in opportunities that foster their personal and professional growth, and to advance and to speak words that facilitate agency and empowerment? Because as you empower your team and your vulnerable leadership shows that your investment and showing value to your team is genuine, you are investing in establishing trust. Show Integrity. The exercise of integrity highlights your vulnerability and transparency. It also meets the needs of team members by connecting with them at their point of need for alignment as its highlighted for cross-functional teams that include members of the Millennial and Gen Z generations. Click here to access an article that will help you discover more about how this affects cross-generational teams. Consistent decision-making that has integrity and ethics at its core has critical signals that employees look for. Namely, these are: consistency, responsibility, ownership of decisions and impact, willingness to accept open and honest and even critical feedback, and the navigation of challenges and setbacks with values, grace, and a growth mindset. As a leader, integrity is your CROWN and guiding star. As you adopt it and the other foundational keys to trust, you’re on your way to positively affecting your team. Grow in your ability as a genuinely vulnerable and transformational leader. Discover how to facilitate the growth and sense of agency of the members of your team in ways that will increase commitment to the mission, vision, and values of your team. Register

3 Reasons Why The Civil Rights Movement is Important to the Classrooms of Today The Civil Rights Movement honors the moments and courage of the past. But if this is where you leave the conversation, you’re missing something. You’re emphasizing denial. Denial of the goals of the past. Denial of the truth of the present. Denial of the dream still to be fulfilled. As an educator, you have a front row seat to the consequences of this denial. What you might not have is an understanding of what the Civil Rights Movement means for you in your context. Here are 3 reasons it’s important and what it can mean for you and the students in your classroom. When conversations of the Civil Rights Movement are focused only on the past, something vital is missing. Societal challenges faced by students don’t stay outside of the classroom. Research highlights the role that societal events and relational trauma have in affecting student learning. Circumstances such as police violence and the actions of agencies like ICE that separate families can result in outcomes like disrupted attachment, student withdrawal, survivor’s guilt, difficulty in forming bonds, hypervigilance, and feelings of powerlessness. Click here to open a new tab and access a 2023 article from The New York Times that presents information about the effects police violence has on the lives of the mental health of black people. Click here to open a new tab and access an article from the North Carolina Justice Center that explores the ACEs of ICE. Even students who aren’t directly exposed to these sorts of traumas have friends within the classroom who do. Because of this, it’s difficult to separate societal challenges from your role as a teacher. It could be argued that the classroom and the partnerships that exist there between yourself as an educator, the parents of students, the school staff, and the students themselves mean that the classroom is uniquely equipped to be the space where this conversation happens. The history of the Civil Rights Movement highlights the importance of student agency. Feelings of powerlessness can be countered by the recognition and exercise of agency, something that students in general may not realize that they have. Agency is defined as the sense of control over actions and what happens as a result of those actions. In other words, to understand one’s agency, one must know that they can take action and that what results can be reasonably approximated based on that action they’ve chosen to take. When societal challenges arise or systems appear to be out of sync with the principles one would expect, this sense of agency is disrupted. This is in addition to the lack of the realization of agency practiced by younger students for whom so much of their world is curated around the beliefs and lifestyles of parents and other authority figures in their lives. One way to facilitate the building of a sense of agency in students is through social entrepreneurship. Click here to open a new tab and learn how social entrepreneurship and partnership can be gamechangers in the process of building childhood agency. The Civil Rights Movement itself can be another source to help students recognize their sense of agency. Movements like the Nonviolent Coordinating Committee highlight this reality, even in the face of the struggles faced. You, as an educator, have the ability to bring to mind history and how students have made a difference, so that even students who feel powerless know that their powerlessness is a reminder that there is injustice in the world and that they can, from their position as students, take meaningful action to join with voices from history to promote change. Partnering with parents and communities will be vital. Reminding yourself of history will remind you of what’s possible. You’ve decided to be a teacher because of your passion for students and for learning. It’s this care for your students that can cause their challenges to take a toll on you as well. However, depending on your context, you may feel as though you don’t have the necessary support you need as you work to meet the needs of both the social and emotional sphere that comes into frame when trauma enters the classroom and the academic and educational objective sphere. Community can help you to meet the needs of both spheres. Learning more about the Civil Rights Movement and the actions taken by others to help meet community needs can help you to explore ways you can make your classroom a safe space for struggling students. Discover more about how the Civil Rights Movement can help you in your work in your community and your educational context when you purchase this recording of the Christian Courage and the Civil Rights Movement Webinar, led by Victor Vieth, JD, MA. Click here to open a new tab and place your order. Looking for more information about Victor Vieth, JD, MA? Visit this link to discover more about Victor and the upcoming Christian Courage and the Civil Rights Movement Webinar. Discover More About Victor Why is it important for you, as an educator of today, learn from the Civil Rights Movement? Conversations about the Civil Rights Movement that take place today often honor the courage and moments of the past. However, they also tend toward leaving behind what this means for change and reform in the world today. As an educator, your honoring the journey and facilitating student agency helps students who may otherwise feel powerless to find their voice even in the middle of challenges that can seem overwhelming.  How can societal challenges affect your students? Experiencing challenges like police violence and actions of agencies like ICE that separate families can result in outcomes like disrupted attachment, student withdrawal, survivor’s guilt, difficulty in forming bonds, hypervigilance, and feelings of powerlessness. The social and emotional aspects of the student experience are just as much factors in achieving student success in meeting and exceeding learning outcomes

The Journey to Reconciliation and Reengagement Reconciliation starts with the needs for both safety and for relationships to be made whole. In this episode of The Ruth and Scott Podcast, Ruth Jefferson and Dr. Scott Gostchock talk about reconciliation, what’s needed to achieve this in relationships, and how burnout can affect this. Can relationships be made whole? Join Ruth and Scott for the conversation.  Listen Now! What causes burnout? How can it be overcome? When alignment is missing, this greatly contributes to burnout. This lack of alignment can be defined as operating outside of your passions or in areas you don’t believe in. The reality with any job is that there will be times when you need to function outside of these areas of alignment. The challenge of burnout in these scenarios can be overcome by changing up the story about your operation in these spaces. This mindset shift starts with your being able to view your professional life through the lens of your missional purpose. Understanding these areas of alignment and approaching your role from this perspective of passion decreases burnout. Want to learn more about the stages of burnout and more specific mindset shifts that can help you on your journey to escaping the cycle of burnout? Click this link to open the article 12 Mindset Shifts to Help You Overcome the Symptoms of Burnout in a new tab.  What is reconciliation? Why does it matter? Reconciliation is just as much about you as it is the other person. Engaging in the reconciliatory process starts with your being honest with yourself about yourself and answering these two questions: What do you need to feel safe in the space of the relationship? What do you feel like you need in order for the relationship to be made whole? Reconciliation requires vulnerability-based trust. Vulnerability-based trust is defined as the feeling that both you and the other party in the relationship can be honest with each other without fear that honesty will lead to being attacked. Reconciliation is a fully engaging process that requires full presence and commitment.  How can you help someone who is struggling with their sense of value? As an educator and mentor, you play a unique role in helping those you work with to understand and build their sense of value and agency. One strategy for doing this is embracing the TAB Philosophy. TAB stands for Talent, Ability, Blessing. This approach helps each person understand that they have a unique talent, something that they can do as well or even better than anyone else, and that they have the ability to turn that talent into a blessing for others.  When alignment is missing, this greatly contributes to burnout. This lack of alignment can be defined as operating outside of your passions or in areas you don’t believe in. The reality with any job is that there will be times when you need to function outside of these areas of alignment. The challenge of burnout in these scenarios can be overcome by changing up the story about your operation in these spaces. This mindset shift starts with your being able to view your professional life through the lens of your missional purpose. Understanding these areas of alignment and approaching your role from this perspective of passion decreases burnout. Want to learn more about the stages of burnout and more specific mindset shifts that can help you on your journey to escaping the cycle of burnout? Click this link to open the article 12 Mindset Shifts to Help You Overcome the Symptoms of Burnout in a new tab.  Reconciliation is just as much about you as it is the other person. Engaging in the reconciliatory process starts with your being honest with yourself about yourself and answering these two questions: What do you need to feel safe in the space of the relationship? What do you feel like you need in order for the relationship to be made whole? Reconciliation requires vulnerability-based trust. Vulnerability-based trust is defined as the feeling that both you and the other party in the relationship can be honest with each other without fear that honesty will lead to being attacked. Reconciliation is a fully engaging process that requires full presence and commitment.  As an educator and mentor, you play a unique role in helping those you work with to understand and build their sense of value and agency. One strategy for doing this is embracing the TAB Philosophy. TAB stands for Talent, Ability, Blessing. This approach helps each person understand that they have a unique talent, something that they can do as well or even better than anyone else, and that they have the ability to turn that talent into a blessing for others.  Like what you’re hearing? The Ruth and Scott Podcast Blog provides reads that dive more into the topics covered in the podcast and more. Be the first to know when new articles drop and get access to subscriber-exclusive content like the new Read This in 5 audio series when you join our mailing list. Click the button below and complete the form to subscribe today. Subscribe to the Newsletter

3 Relationship Communication Problems Quietly Destroying Trust One of the biggest challenges to relationships is that of communication. A failure to communicate can result in relationship breakdown. When you choose not to communicate, whether in a more personal relationship or in the kind of human-to-human relationship present in an educational environment, secrecy takes hold, doubt is given the cover it needs to grow, and things stay unsaid that really shouldn’t. Here are 3 specific relationship communication problems that can kill trust in a relationship: At the root of every communication breakdown is a fear of authenticity. 1. Practicing False Humility Humility is a posture of the heart. Unfortunately, there might be a time when you care so much about a person or a relationship that you practice false humility. When you have a concern like that, you might choose to keep quiet and not talk about things that should be talked about. Instead of using silence, you can take a step back to take a step forward. Take a day to reflect on the challenge, identify what upsets or concerns you, pray about your feelings, and ask for the words to say when you do talk to the person you’re in conflict with. This might even be a good time to journal about your thoughts and feelings. Take this day also to reach out to this person and schedule a time to talk. Tell them about how long the conversation could take so that they can prepare for the time commitment and give you a day and time that works for this conversation. True humility means coming from a place of love and not a place of fear. 2. A Lack of Self-Exploration Another silent relationship killer is not taking time for self-exploration. As an educator, you can become so wrapped up in work and in the investments you make in others that you can forget to invest in yourself. When you don’t do this, when you don’t take this time, it can lead to burnout. Once you reach that point, it can become painful to invest in others. One way you can keep the burnout from happening is to take time to invest in yourself. Take one day per week to take care of yourself and engage in a self-care routine. If you’re not yet at the place where you can take a full day. Start by taking an hour per day for that to be your focus. Notice the difference that taking this time can make for your life. 3. Talking About Nothing Time is an investment. Your sharing who you are is an investment. But when you’re in either a personal or professional relationship, and you enter a phase of talking about nothing, you might find yourself drawing toward disengagement. The reason for that is that there’s a barrier that’s coming up in your relationship that forces you away from authenticity. It also means that the other person involved in the relationship isn’t engaging authentically either. Identity is a key part of what is shared in these more authentic relationships. In professional relationships, this will happen much more indirectly and happen more through the authentic way you complete tasks and the way that your personality shines through in professional conversations. In personal relationships, this happens more through direct disclosure and more deeply as relationships continue to unfold. Join our email list today to go deeper in conversation about topics that matter like communication, relationships, mentorship, parenting, and so much more. Join Now How can educators protect their relationships from communication breakdown? Preventing communication breakdown requires commitment from both parties, because conflict is difficult and messy even when both parties have the best of intentions. It also requires self-knowledge, understanding when something crosses a boundary or triggers you emotionally, so you can communicate this. In an educational environment, this looks different because of the power difference between educator and student. It’s important to communicate to students that their words and thoughts are valid and valued, to have feedback loops in place, and to model respectful discourse. Seeing that modeled will reinforce healthy and holistic conflict-handling practices for them as well. Looking for some words and phrases to help you model this? Here are 3 words and phrases that will help you do exactly that.  What are the most common communication problems in relationships? A failure to communicate can result in relationship breakdown. When you choose not to communicate, secrecy takes hold, doubt is given the cover it needs to grow, and things stay unsaid that really shouldn’t. Three specific habits that contribute to this are practicing false humility, not taking time for self-exploration, and not optimizing times of communication and connection. How does false humility hurt relationships? False humility is brought into relationships when you care so much about a person or a relationship that you choose to keep quiet and not talk about things that should be talked about. Instead of coming from a place of love, actions start to come from a place of fear. When you practice false humility, things stay unsaid that really shouldn’t, and silence gives doubt the cover it needs to grow. How does burnout affect an educator’s personal and professional relationships? As an educator, you can become so wrapped up in work and in the investments you make in others that you can forget to invest in yourself. When you don’t take this time, it can lead to burnout. Once you reach that point, it can become painful to invest in others. Why does talking about surface-level things hurt a relationship? When you enter a phase of talking about nothing, you might find yourself drawing toward disengagement. The reason for that is that there’s a barrier that’s coming up in your relationship that forces you away from authenticity. It also means that the other person involved in the relationship isn’t engaging authentically either.  One thing we’re definitely not doing on The Ruth and Scott Podcast is having shallow conversations. Listen